I’m reading the book called The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. A friend of mine let me borrow it and it really has been interesting. If you are unfamiliar with the “5 love languages” they are specific ways that people need to be loved. According to the authors, each person has their own unique love language that needs to be demonstrated to them by others for them to feel loved. It is important in relationships such as spouse to spouse or parent to child to learn which style of communication your spouse/child needs in order to meet their emotional needs.
The five love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. You can usually distinguish your child’s love language by asking them, “How do you know Mommy loves you?” The kids that say, “Because she tells me I’m a good singer” etc. usually fall into the category of “words of affirmation” as a love language. The kids that say, “Because she hugs me all the time” etc. might fall into the “physical touch” love language. I asked my 5 year old how she knew that I loved her and she said, “Because you play with me and color with me.” I’m learning that her love language is probably quality time. The times that I put my agenda aside and play with her or just spend time with her are the times when she is most affectionate and happy. Another thing this book is teaching me about my daughter is that when she doesn’t feel “loved” by not getting quality time she will misbehave just to get the attention she needs. VERY TRUE!
We tend to love each-other the way we want to be loved but that isn’t necessarily what our kids need. Check out this book and find out what your child’s love language. It might just help you love and parent them a little better.