Jul

28

Over-Parenting Can Drive Teens To Sex

Posted by Cindy

July 28, 2008 |

teens

We were all teens once, you remember what it was like. Parents were, like, so uncool. They just didn’t get us, were always trying to bring down the fun. Only our friends really understood. Well, like death and taxes, teenagers trying to liberate themselves from their parents is a constant. Especially so on issues parents are not willing to compromise on.

I found an article on just what too much parental pressure can do. Controlling parents linked to teen sex the headline reads, and the facts are a bit frightening. According to the news story:

Coley noted that more than two out of every three U.S. teens has sexual intercourse before age 19.

The article also points out something that we should all remember from our youth, but too often forget: shaming and guilting teens will not make them not have sex. In fact, having a more positive approach to sexuality might be better if you really want to limit teens form what could be dangerous sexual activity.

The findings, reported in the August issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, found that children seemed to be less sexually active if their parents did not engage in negative and psychologically controlling behaviors.

Parents Just Don’t UnderstandThe controlling “your body is mine until you are 18 and move out (or married)” and the negative “sex is wrong and dirty and bad and so will you be if you do it” tactics do not work. And really, did anyone think they would. I don’t know about anyone else but as a teen if someone told me “A is bad, don’t do it and that’s final” they pretty much guaranteed that A would be the first thing I was doing as soon as they weren’t looking. Which, when we are talking about sex, can be pretty dangerous. From pregnancy to STDs not teaching teens the hows and whys is setting them up for disaster.

Instead of taking the “sex is dirty, wrong and shameful” approach that isn’t working, parents might want to look towards the more positive approaches. “What you feel is perfectly normal, there’s nothing wrong with it, here is why it can be dangerous, here are the things to do to make it not be as dangerous, and here is what we would prefer that you do.” You might be surprised at the good choices teens can make when given positive information rather than negative and controlling demands.

(Image source - Bina Sveda)


Comments

1 Comment so far

  1. Commander Mommy on August 4, 2008 9:44 am

    I still think that many teens are underparented. I’ve noticed more and more parents giving their teens the ‘positive’ input (nothing wrong with that) and the facts but then… they give them waaaay too much freedom. Teens are still in our homes because they still need the boundaries and the rules. Many parents forget things like that, preferring to let their kids run around the mall unsupervised or stay behind closed doors in their rooms with friends (privacy is important but all things in moderation).

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