Aug

7

It takes a Village

Posted by Cindy

August 7, 2007 |

No mom can handle being the sole parent 24/7. Even when she has a partner who helps her there will be times when she needs a break. But taking a break can mean a big plate of guilt for some moms. We’re supposed to handle it all with a smile, never get upset or tired, look like a million bucks even with no sleep and a sick toddler, and never ever want a break from our kids. That’s the fairy tale at least.

Reality is much harsher. Moms get mad, they get tired, they get grumpy, and sometimes they just want to spend the day soaking up a good book and a cup of coffee without a child climbing across them. Is that so much to ask? For many it is. they live in areas where there is no family, no tight circle of friends, no group that they can lean on when they need support and in return give support to later. We’re often expected to do it all, and do it alone. A friend of mine was recently complaining about how exhausted and stressed she is. She’s got an over active preschooler and a teething baby, and all three of them are sick. So sleep has gone out the window. When she complained about needing to sleep she was met with comments about how she “didn’t want to be a mom” and was “just being selfish”.

And even if we aren’t told these things we’ll often feel them still. MamaBlogga shares her own guilt on letting her family watch the kids while she’s on vacation. Having support nearby that could help more often.

It didn’t used to be like this. There was a time when we all lived within groups, whether that was made of family or friends or just our neighbors. You could count on the woman down the street to watch the kids for a couple hours and in return you always made an extra pie and brought it to her house. But those days are long past, right?

Arun from the parenting pit is asking about the same problem. A village to help with child raising and support.

Taking the pressure off families usually involves having time away from children — whether it be through school or child care.

The idea of a closer communities to assist families seems like a pipe dream for many… but an appealing one still. So what form can it take? What could a village look like in contemporary western culture?


Comments

4 Comments so far

  1. George Garner on August 7, 2007 7:18 pm

    Enjoyed your blog about saying thanks and wanted to pass along a site you might enjoy reading other posts.  Thanks-o-meter.com offers a place to post, read, and share stories about the nice things people do. It creates charts and graphs of the most common “Thank You” submissions.

  2. Sara on August 8, 2007 12:01 am

    This is one of the many reasons (though this one seriously tops the list) of why I YEARN for my community…it feels so far away but I have a feeling its not all THAT far away…at least I hope not. Great writing.

  3. laane on August 8, 2007 10:26 am

    I’m one of those moms that work 24/7/12/

    I want to attend music lessons each week, and I can’t.
    I’m ssoooo very tried, that a nap of 5 minutes seems vacation.

    I think community needs to be a choice, so people really do participate.
    Houses in a large circle, in the middle a large building with facilities. So moms who need a coffee can find friends, and watch the other kids with half an eye.

    I make great soup…. can do it for all the moms… if the community is ever realised.

  4. JHS on August 12, 2007 11:32 pm

    Thanks for participating in this week’s Carnival of Family Life. It will be posted at midnight (PDT) at http://www.jhsiess.com!

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